


what's next

by Qweenbeanz



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: F/M, Hogwarts Eighth Year, Post-Canon, Post-War
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-16
Updated: 2021-03-04
Packaged: 2021-03-18 22:41:11
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Major Character Death, Underage
Chapters: 3
Words: 2,454
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29497455
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Qweenbeanz/pseuds/Qweenbeanz
Relationships: Hermione Granger/Draco Malfoy
Kudos: 8





	1. Chapter 1

she should have felt joy. she should have felt at home. but she couldn't , not after a battle was fought there. not where the one place she had felt at home was almost destroyed. not when she saw numerous people, that had once walked joyfully through the halls, dead on the ground. not when she had sacrificed everything for a world that she no longer felt at home in. harry and ron had looks of sympathy on their face as they looked at her. they had watched he slowly waste away during the war. pouring all of herself , and more, into trying to stop him. trying to stop tom riddle. she preferred to use his actual name, it made him seem like a small school yard bully, one that went too far once and had gotten expelled. the constant reminders of the dead wasn't the only thing that made hogwarts different this year. it was the stark divide that had formed between houses and even within some houses. like a schism. 

she shouldn't have been paying attention to the tables at dinner time. she shouldn't have pitted the scared and confused looks on the first years faces as some of them got sorted into slytherin. as her eyes followed the last student to be sorted to the table she noticed a gap between about 15 students and the rest of the table of slytherins. she only knew a few of them by name. Theodore Nott , Pansy Parkinson , Blaise Zabini and the last one she could name ; Draco Malfoy. the one and only Draco Malfoy that she watched walk out of the room as she battled the crucio curse. as she writhed with pain on the cold marble floor of the drawing room of Malfoy Manor. that night was still etched into her mind, everyone she had once knew and even relied on was unable to help. the only person she had held out the smallest bit of hope for was malfoy. she thought that he would have had at least a little bit of humility left. 

her trance was broken when she felt rons arm on her shoulder , ever since their stupid kiss in the chamber ron had been trailing her all summer. they had somehow entered into an unspoken relationship. everyone around her had begun laughing at a joke she had not heard. all she felt was numbness. she felt nothing, how could everyone have escaped the war unscathed. she couldn't understand how everyone was treating it like it was a normal school year. like a FUCKING war hadn't happened. 

somehow she was on her way to the common room with the rest of the 7th years, well they were technically 8th years now but since their last year had been interrupted by a war they had to finish their NEWTS. for once in her life she wished for lessons to be over, she longed to begin her long stretches of seclusion in the small alcoves she had found while wondering the castle. this was a new habit that she had taken up, while harry and ron were practicing quiditch outside. she smiled to herself as she heard the first years running to their lessons. they were whispering about how late they were going to be to their lessons. 

they reminded her of a time that all she was worried about was being expelled. her only worry was having to return to a world that had teased her and made her feel like she was an outsider. she would rather have died than have returned to that part of her life. in fact she had grown accustomed to not having any attachment to the muggle world. she had spent her summer staying at the burrow, she had been talked into sharing a room with ron, even after many fights she had ended up staring at rons wall as he snored in her ear. 

she had found herself at the bottom of the astronomy tower's stairs , spending hours sometimes trying to get to the top. she had finally made it up to the sixth step when she heard crying. it took a few seconds for her to confirm this fact. but it was crying. she descended the stairs and waited in a small alcove that was hidden around the corner from the tower. she waited for an hour until the perpetrator had left . she saw who it was and smiled to herself as she walked in the opposite direction , towards the common room. 

she sat staring into the fire that night on the sofa, ron kissed her forehead and asked " what has you in such a good mood, princess?" " oh, nothing just glad to be back". she grinned. Draco Malfoy was as broken as her. he was seriously CRYING. she had never seen an ounce of emotion from him. and for once she felt assured. she wasn't the only one that war had changed.


	2. chapter 2

Colin was bleeding out in her arms , writhing in pain. there were cries from other beds. their pristine white sheets were getting drowned in blood again. the bleeding wouldn't stop. the screaming wouldn't stop . the war wouldn't stop. she looked down one more , after feeling a tugging on her shirt. it was ron and harry and ginny lying in her arms. one by one their eyes went blank and they died. 

she woke up screaming and in a cold sweat. it was a good job she had learned to cast a silencing charm on her bed. she felt sick and lunged towards the bathroom. she got there just in time. the clock on the wall told her it was 3:30 am. she didn't bother changing out of her pajamas. she walked the distance to the astronomy tower and sat down. legs dangling over the edge, waiting for the sun to rise. she did this quite often and most days you would find her here. in the middle of the night, wishing the dreams would stop. 

that's how he found her. he came up the steps with a half drunk bottle of whiskey in his hand. when she caught his eye it was like he had froze. just as he was about to turn to go away, to the boat house maybe, or even the shrieking shack. she , with her eyes still glued forward and seemingly speaking to the night air , said " i wont bite ". he took this as an invitation , a bizarre one but an invitation none the less. so he sat , careful to keep his distance with his legs dangling over the edge like hers. silence hung in the air between them like a foul smell. after some time had passed his arm held out the bottle of whiskey in her direction. she took it and had a swig. it burned her throat but in the best way possible. it , if only for a moment , allowed her to forget. forget the pain of the war. and , for the first time in two years, she felt something other than numbness. 

and that's how they spent the next half an hour. silently drinking in each others company. " do you make a habit of this , granger?" draco piped up out of nowhere . " most days I'm up here i don't know why I've never seen you tough" he let out a slight chuckle " that's because i normally drink somewhere else. " after their brief conversation it was silent again. 

the bottle was nearly empty and she looked at him. " do you want to finish it?" she asked. he shrugged his shoulders " you have it" she finished the last drop of alcohol. the bottle stayed in her hands a little longer until she held it out over the courtyard and dropped it. she relished at the sound of it smashing on the cobble stone. she watched the glass spray out over the stone. she watched as it got destroyed so easily. "why did you do that then?" she looked at him a blank expression on her face " wanted too" . the silence persisted for a little while longer until the sun started to rise. she rose to her feet. and turned to leave. " thanks for the whiskey" he gave her a curt nod and just before she left she decided she was going to say it. " i heard you crying the other day" didn't leave time for a response and descended the stairs a quick as she could. 

a familiar set of crimson quditch robes caught her eye. it was ron. "what are you doing up 'mionie?" she stood dumbfounded. " i think i'm going to throw up" and within a matter of seconds she had vomited over ron. " whats going on hermionie?" just then the smell of alcohol hit his nose. he pushed her of him. " you've been drinking?" he didn't leave time for a response before he did a 180 degree turn and , before he left , said " i can't believe you". 

she sat down in the hallway. after gathering the strength she dragged herself through the common room and to her bed. she stayed there all day, missed all her classes. she spent the time crying sometimes and other times was just her lying, staring at the canopy of her four poster bed, she managed to sleep but woke up an hour later with another nightmare . was she the only one or did others just hide it better? when 2:30 pm rolled around she heard pecking at the window. it was an owl. she opened the window and found a bottle of pepper up potion , nothing but that . no note , nothing. she gave it a treat and watched as it flew up to the owlery.


	3. chapter 3

A few days went by, her nightmares continued, and her visits to the astronomy tower continued. Her drinking with malfoy didn’t resume. She hadn’t seen him in days , however that didn’t stop her. Instead she drank alone, finally able to be alone with her thoughts and not want to scream. Ron had seen her drunk another time. They weren’t talking at the moment. He said that he couldn't understand why she was doing this. That was bullshit and she knew it. He knew she was struggling after the war and didn't say anything . she had nightmares when she stayed at the burrow and when she would wake him , he simply hugged her and went back to sleep. Because as she was told time and time again “ it isn't just you that was in a war “ that was true but then again , they just bought the injured back and left. Every battle she saw looked like a losing one. All she saw was death. It followed her like a dark cloud. 

It had been 2 weeks since she saw malfoy. She went back up to the tower and saw him again. "I see you bight your own booze this time" she chuckled "im going broke with the amount of whiskey I'm buying". He sat next to her. She held out the bottle." I guess it's my turn to share". 

He joined her the next night. And the night after. And the night after, until it became a regular thing. They didnt talk, it stayed deadly silent - like the peace could somehow be shattered by noise. She cried too many times.

Her desk was empty. Her assignments went un-written. Her seat at the gryffindor table went empty. 

She was walking through the common room when Ron came down the stairs. "Oh hermione" his cheeks flushed as he rubbed the back of his neck. "What are you doing here?" She asked. "Well we are in the same house, and we are dating still." She let out a snort "when did we even start dating?!" She shouted at him 

"W..w..when we kissed…...in the chamber of secrets". He moved towards her and took hold of her hands. She yanked them back and threw her hands up in the air "Thats exactly what is was ron. A FUCKING KISS. I never wanted to date you.did you ever ASK me what I wanted?" He stuttered some more and looked dumbfounded. "But I thought that's what you wanted 'mionie" 

"Exactly you THOUGHT. You never asked. I don't want this." "Then what do you want ?!" 

"For me to be able to sleep without nightmares. And to be able to close my eyes without seeing people dying again" 

"I didn't realise you felt that way" 

"BULLSHIT, BULLSHIT, BULLSHIT I told you. I told you so many times. You even got woken up by me screaming in the summer." 

"EVERYONE WAS IN A FUCKING WAR HERMIONE" 

"YOU DIDN'T SEE PEOPLE DIE IN YOUR ARMS EVERY DAY"   
tears were streaming down her face now but she didn't move. She stood fierce. 

"FUCK YOU RON. I CAN'T DO THIS" she turned and ran. 

Her eyes were blury with tears and she couldn't see where she was going. 

She slipped on the stairs and cut her shin open. It was dripping with blood, she didn't pay any attention and just carried on - up the stairs towards the astronomy tower. 

As she sat there, with her legs hanging off the edge. She started thinking about suicide. Not her own of course. But did they ever regret it? In the seconds between them jumping and hitting the floor, did they regret it, did they want to turn back? Or was the world just a dark enough place to want to leave it, no regrets. It was at that point that she realised that the world was a curse, and it would eventually kill you. Some people just lasted longer than others. 

He saw the blood on the stairs. It reminded him of that night. The night he didn't have any choice. Voldemort was at the manor, he had his mother. He had been there all summer with them. He had tortured his mother for hours on end, in order to get draco to do his bidding. He remembered sitting on the cold marble floor in the middle of the night trying to heal his mother. Books spread around him , but for some reason he just couldn't quite get it right. He tried and tried , until he eventually cried . He did this in his room . He didn't want his mother to see, she was doing the same. Wanting to keep a brave face on for her son  
He sucked in a breath when he saw her sitting there. “ don't jump.” there was silence. “ please”. She turned to face him. Bloodshot eyes and splotchy cheeks. “ I wasn't going to” . she offered him a small smile, it was fake , both of them knew it, but he smiled back and sat next to her.


End file.
